before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
