Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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