he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
