dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
