Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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