You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
