So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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