I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
