i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
