Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this beer tastes like vomit already
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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