this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
