You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
