I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize