My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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