she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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