like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize