You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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