yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
