I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
