He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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