How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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