you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
