I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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