So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
