Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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