your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The air was thick with penises
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize