the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
