i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
