I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
