people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
