careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
