I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i've created a new STD.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
