Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
