guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Boobs are out for the taking
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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