If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
