Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
