just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
