I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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