Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
