I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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