her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
