$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
