ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
