i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
