I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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