You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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