you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
