you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
