he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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