Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
