i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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