i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
