whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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