We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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