If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
