That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
