dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
