I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
