I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
