I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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