in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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