I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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